Saturday, June 26, 2010
Today things changed, and I can't describe to you the wonderful bond we established with these men. They exceeded every expectation, and blew us away with their kind words and appreciation. I know I have said it before, but again, now more then ever I am excited and so eager to begin this process. I can answer the question "How are you going to give this child away?" with ease. I am not giving this child away. I am simply delivering it to its home-to the place this child was meant to live and be loved.
Let me explain this fantastic day to you and all the emotions that came with it.
First we planned on meeting them at the zoo. All morning I was a nervous wreck and was so worried there would be a language barrier (since they are from France). When we arrived, they were there anxiously waiting for us, and honestly, I felt like passing out! After our introduction I calmed down within a few short minutes and felt much more comfortable. We walked around the zoo, and they seemed to really enjoy watching Ruby explain to us the animals we were about to see. We mostly kept conversation simple-about the animals, the girls, American culture, French culture...very light. Ruby quickly warmed up and rode on their shoulders, let them pick her up to see the hidden animals, and held their hands while walking. Watching them interact with the girls was pleasant and very reassuring. I could picture them holding their own child’s hand, piggybacking him/her and conversing as only a parent of a small babbling child could. I knew in those moments these men were going to be caring parents-great parents!
After strolling around the zoo, playing in the water park, and enjoying a lot of small talk, we decided to grab a bite to eat. We left the girls with my sister (who was kind enough to come to the zoo to pick the girls up) and headed to PF Chang’s. At this point, we knew quite a bit about one another-more than I thought was possible in such a short amount of time. Chris and I ordered a table full of food, and as we ate we discussed surrogacy, life styles, families, friends, pets-everything under the sun. They made us feel completely comfortable asking about their sexuality and how it would effect raising a child as well as how they planned to explain my role to the child as it grew up. We were at first relieved and then blown away with their consistently perfect thoughts on becoming parents. Chris and I were so incredibly happy to find that they too hope that we can continue to be a part of their lives after we carry this baby for them. We all hope to share visits, send letters, Skype , and do so much more just to keep in touch and watch the baby grow into an adult, as we would with any other child in our family.
After dinner we did some shopping around Circle Center (side note: Levi's in France = $150. YIKES!) This is where Chris and I split up and had a more one on one conversation with each man. Chris got the question, "You are so young; why would you let your wife do this for some other man?" Chris of course said it was not a easy decision for him to make. He told them that I would do it free of charge if he would let me, but due to risks and effort involved Chris would insist on payment for doing this. He told them this is something I really want to do, and since he supports me and loves me, he is on board and excited to be a part of this. While I was spending time with the other man, I received praise for my willingness and acceptance. I explained that my life would not be complete without our girls and that it is because of the love I have for Ruby and Hazel that I am willing to do this for them. Everyone deserves the happiness that my kids bring to me.
We found out so much more about surrogacy from both sides of the process today than we had previously known. Today I gained much more perspective on what I will be going through in a few short months. Let me run down the procedure and information:
-This week I will get physicals, complete blood work, and meet with my OB/GYN
-Shortly thereafter, I will go to a fertility clinic here and get some hormone shots
-24-36 hours after taking the shots, Chris and I will fly to Portland to have a few more tests run including an ultrasound on my ovaries and a mock transfer (to prepare the doctors for the actual transfer)
-After that we will wait for the egg donor to have a regular cycle. Once she does, I will again get the shots, and we will travel back to Portland for the transfer.
We also discussed the costs of all this, the roles each person will play, and the time frame in which this will happen. One tidbit of information that surprised us both was how they chose the paternity of baby. They did not choose one or the other-they chose both! It’s going to work like this: there will be 2 embryos implanted, one fertilized by one man and one fertilized by the other! It is overwhelmingly weird to me, holding 2 different men’s babies (and neither of them is my husband) -craziness but very exciting. The odds of success at the clinic we are using are very high, so we are now prepared to carry two babies. (The likelihood of success is about 80% per embryo. That gives us about a 95% chance that at least one embryo will take and about a 40% chance that I will carry two babies.)
After an eventful and very hot, muggy day spent with these guys Chris and I were saddened to leave them. They gave us a hug goodbye, and Chris said the expressions on their faces were the same as the expression he had for me when I got pregnant with Ruby and Hazel-love and admiration. I can honestly say those feelings are mutual. I really admire these men and what they are willing to do to experience parenthood. They already have jeopardized their jobs (by taking off to travel so much) and put their normal routines on hold to fly to a foreign country just for a day to meet me and my family! I can say that today was the start of a friendship and an unbreakable bond of which I couldn't be happier to be a part. I look forward to seeing them in Portland soon and calling them the second we find out the egg took to my body to tell them that they are expecting!!!
Thank you all so much for you words of encouragement. Today went fabulously and your messages, texts, and calls helped tremendously! I was very pleased to tell this couple about all the love and support my friends and family have shown us, and they were as blown away by all of you as I am!
I cannot wait to update you all on what’s to come. I should hear from the clinic in Portland very soon. I will update you with the date we plan on traveling and what is to be expected, so stay tuned! Thanks again, you guys really ROCK!