Hey everyone,
After many many long conversation, after nights spent awake, after evaulating my future, my wants, my needs, and those of my family, and my husband, a decision has been made. A decision that wasn't easy, one that was painful, and heart breaking, yet exciting and scary...most of all it is the right decision and I feel that way with my whole heart but it still hurts. Chris has been my rock through this, my voice of reason at times, but he also spoke as for my emotions and heart...my daughters, not knowing the struggles we faced also help by expessing time and time again what they wanted. Also, in such a time of need, you all stepped up, you gave your opinions, shared your personal stories and advice...every word was heard, every sacrid story was held dear to my heart and every prayer was answered. Thank you!
Here is the email I sent to the agency, regarding my final decision:
Hey Courtney,
I am assuming you haven't heard from ORM yet, and at this point I'm going to say it's all right. (although I'm still interest as to what they have to say)
After talking to the doctor myself, and researching Placenta Accreta I think I'm going to have to do what's best for my health, my family, and ultimately the couple and decline.
Although, I haven't had contact with The couple I feel as though I am letting them down, at the same time I feel that I am saving them emotional stress and money. The doctor said complications were a given, plus if I were to have additional surgery due to complications after birth, that would be an expense they could avoid if they had a healthier surrogate. I know the last couple felt guilt and emotionally stressed watching me go through all the unexpected problems and I know they wouldn't wish that on These men and neither do I.
I am so sorry for dragging this decision out, I honestly felt great about doing another surrogacy and I hope to do one in the future. But I think if there is a doubt in my mind, or if I am scared or worried in anyway I better reevaluate, which is exactly what I have done, with the support and help of Chris and so many friends and family.
Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity, and please express my apologizes to the men. I really am heart broken and wish them only the best of luck in their endeavors.
Alexis Cummings
Thank you all for helping me make the choice I new was right yet wasn't able to admit. I feel very sad that I am not the person able to give these men the blessing of a child. The experience is one that is unlike anything in this world and I had looked forward to going through it once more. Unfortunately that wasn't in the cards this time around. Although I am extremely heart broken and feel absolutely guiltly for letting this go on as long as it did I am excited to start an adventure of our own, Ruby and hazel come up with silly names daily for their "baby brother" and although I feel that after 3 pregnancies, and 4 girls there is no chance of a "baby brother" in their future, Chris and I look forward to trying:)
So, give us until March, but be expecting the Cummings Family to expend!
Also, if you are interested in becoming a surrogate, I can not say enough great things about the process and experience. Surrogate Mothers Inc is such a pleasure to work with, the clinic is informative and very willing to give you one on one attention to focus on your individual case, the traveling is a lot of fun, and the experience is humbling, life changing and so rewarding. Please contact me with any questions you many have regarding surrogacy or becoming a surrogate and I will steer you in the right direction!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Bitter Sweet
Hey Everyone,
Our new journey has just begun and sadly it may be ending just as quickly as it started. As I mentioned in my last blog, I would only accept the surrogacy offer pending my doctor completed a full physical and gave me the "go ahead". My husband and I both went to see my OB/GYN last Friday to discuss our recent ventures into another surrogacy. We also expressed our desire yo expand our own family, he was very open and very honest when it came to answering our many questions so I would like to share with you our discussion: ( Q-representing the question asked by me or my husband. A-representing the answer given by my doctor)
Q. As you know Chris and I have a strong desire to expand our own family, our plans were to try in March but we recently have been asked to do another surrogacy. Given my complications during the last pregnancy what are my risks?
A. With each pregnancy you are at risk of more aches and pains. You will get bigger, causing more back aches, more belly stretching, more preterm contractions and possibly preterm labor, these are typical. Given your past pregnancy, and the fact that you had a D&C just days after your CSection surgery plus given that fact that you have had long term post partum bleeding you are also at a much much high risk for "Placenta Accreta"
Q. What is "Placenta Accreta"?
A. The fetus is fed through the placenta, the placenta has fibers that attach to the uterus, this is the fetus' life support. Placenta Accreta is where the fibers of the placenta attach through the uterus, much to deeply. This usually does not effect the baby. However since the placenta is so deeply attached it is impossible to remove after birth...meaning the entire uterus will have to be removed. if this were to happen this would be your last pregnancy, you would also be at risk for a hemorrhage during the birth especially given you are highly anemic.
Q. You have mentioned I am at high risk for this placenta disorder, what is considered high risk? like 10% or like 80%
A. A typical pregnant woman is at less then 1% risk for any kind of pregnancy related problem. In the case of Placenta Accreta it a 1 in 1200 chance. In your particular case you are at a 5% chance, which doesn't seem like much but that is 5 times more likely then the average woman.
Q. Putting all your moral issues aside, wether you agree with surrogacy or not...what is your recommendation, with my best interest in mind. If you tell me "No, this isn't a good idea, don't do this!" I will stop the process in its tracks.
A. Knowing your desire to have another child, and assessing the risks at hand, my recommendation is to wait! To have a child of your own first...Then follow through with a surrogacy if that is something you are still interested in doing, This way your family is complete, and if something goes wrong there will be no regret.
This basically summed up our appointment, and as you can imagine Chris and I had much to talk about. We discussed doing this surrogacy for a month before coming to the conclusion we did. Now it was back to square one. our hearts and minds weighed heavy and still do today.
Do the risks we have to take to give this couple the family the dream of out weigh our desire to expand our own family? is it selfish to want another child when we have two beautiful healthy children and this family has none? If we went through with a surrogacy, and I was unable to have another child, could we handle that emotionally?
These questions plus so many more run through our minds constantly. it has kept us up at night. Our hearts say to go on, go through with this surrogacy, help this couple. Chris has said that although he too wants another baby of our own he is perfectly happy with the two we have, emotionally he could handle not having another child, but he isn't sure how to comfort me if that was the case. He also brought up that fact that we have always wanted to adopt, and we could use the money from the surrogacy to adopt a needy child if in fact I was unable to get pregnant again. although this is what Chris has said, it has also changed day to day. My feelings aren't as easily said. Im not sure how I feel, until a doctor say "Alexis, I'm sorry but you will never be able to bare a child again" I just don't know how I would feel about that kind of news. Would I chalk it up to fait. would I regret my choices, or would I be depressed...maybe I would accept it and find a child I love through the process of adoption. I really don't know how to answer these questions, I don't know how I feel.
like I have mentioned, Chris and I have a lot to talk about. We have to think about ourselves, our families, our children as well as our feelings toward a cause we support 110%, our morals, our values, and our love for helping people in this very special way. I am still waiting to hear from the clinic in Portland, they are currently still revising my medical records. I look forward to seeing what they have to say, because their thoughts, plus my doctors recommendation, on top of the may talks between Chris and myself will hopefully help us make our final decision.
either way I have a feeling I may be heart broken, this is a very bitter sweet situation and with good comes bad and that will weigh very heavy on our hearts. Most of you know by now I am not a religious, but those who are I ask for you to pray we make the right decision for our family. those of your who are not religious please just keep us in your thoughts, and feel free to share your thoughts with us....through your support and encouragement I have gotten through many tough times...this is no exception!
thank you again for following our journey, though it may be short lived, we appreciate it:)
Our new journey has just begun and sadly it may be ending just as quickly as it started. As I mentioned in my last blog, I would only accept the surrogacy offer pending my doctor completed a full physical and gave me the "go ahead". My husband and I both went to see my OB/GYN last Friday to discuss our recent ventures into another surrogacy. We also expressed our desire yo expand our own family, he was very open and very honest when it came to answering our many questions so I would like to share with you our discussion: ( Q-representing the question asked by me or my husband. A-representing the answer given by my doctor)
Q. As you know Chris and I have a strong desire to expand our own family, our plans were to try in March but we recently have been asked to do another surrogacy. Given my complications during the last pregnancy what are my risks?
A. With each pregnancy you are at risk of more aches and pains. You will get bigger, causing more back aches, more belly stretching, more preterm contractions and possibly preterm labor, these are typical. Given your past pregnancy, and the fact that you had a D&C just days after your CSection surgery plus given that fact that you have had long term post partum bleeding you are also at a much much high risk for "Placenta Accreta"
Q. What is "Placenta Accreta"?
A. The fetus is fed through the placenta, the placenta has fibers that attach to the uterus, this is the fetus' life support. Placenta Accreta is where the fibers of the placenta attach through the uterus, much to deeply. This usually does not effect the baby. However since the placenta is so deeply attached it is impossible to remove after birth...meaning the entire uterus will have to be removed. if this were to happen this would be your last pregnancy, you would also be at risk for a hemorrhage during the birth especially given you are highly anemic.
Q. You have mentioned I am at high risk for this placenta disorder, what is considered high risk? like 10% or like 80%
A. A typical pregnant woman is at less then 1% risk for any kind of pregnancy related problem. In the case of Placenta Accreta it a 1 in 1200 chance. In your particular case you are at a 5% chance, which doesn't seem like much but that is 5 times more likely then the average woman.
Q. Putting all your moral issues aside, wether you agree with surrogacy or not...what is your recommendation, with my best interest in mind. If you tell me "No, this isn't a good idea, don't do this!" I will stop the process in its tracks.
A. Knowing your desire to have another child, and assessing the risks at hand, my recommendation is to wait! To have a child of your own first...Then follow through with a surrogacy if that is something you are still interested in doing, This way your family is complete, and if something goes wrong there will be no regret.
This basically summed up our appointment, and as you can imagine Chris and I had much to talk about. We discussed doing this surrogacy for a month before coming to the conclusion we did. Now it was back to square one. our hearts and minds weighed heavy and still do today.
Do the risks we have to take to give this couple the family the dream of out weigh our desire to expand our own family? is it selfish to want another child when we have two beautiful healthy children and this family has none? If we went through with a surrogacy, and I was unable to have another child, could we handle that emotionally?
These questions plus so many more run through our minds constantly. it has kept us up at night. Our hearts say to go on, go through with this surrogacy, help this couple. Chris has said that although he too wants another baby of our own he is perfectly happy with the two we have, emotionally he could handle not having another child, but he isn't sure how to comfort me if that was the case. He also brought up that fact that we have always wanted to adopt, and we could use the money from the surrogacy to adopt a needy child if in fact I was unable to get pregnant again. although this is what Chris has said, it has also changed day to day. My feelings aren't as easily said. Im not sure how I feel, until a doctor say "Alexis, I'm sorry but you will never be able to bare a child again" I just don't know how I would feel about that kind of news. Would I chalk it up to fait. would I regret my choices, or would I be depressed...maybe I would accept it and find a child I love through the process of adoption. I really don't know how to answer these questions, I don't know how I feel.
like I have mentioned, Chris and I have a lot to talk about. We have to think about ourselves, our families, our children as well as our feelings toward a cause we support 110%, our morals, our values, and our love for helping people in this very special way. I am still waiting to hear from the clinic in Portland, they are currently still revising my medical records. I look forward to seeing what they have to say, because their thoughts, plus my doctors recommendation, on top of the may talks between Chris and myself will hopefully help us make our final decision.
either way I have a feeling I may be heart broken, this is a very bitter sweet situation and with good comes bad and that will weigh very heavy on our hearts. Most of you know by now I am not a religious, but those who are I ask for you to pray we make the right decision for our family. those of your who are not religious please just keep us in your thoughts, and feel free to share your thoughts with us....through your support and encouragement I have gotten through many tough times...this is no exception!
thank you again for following our journey, though it may be short lived, we appreciate it:)
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