After many many long conversation, after nights spent awake, after evaulating my future, my wants, my needs, and those of my family, and my husband, a decision has been made. A decision that wasn't easy, one that was painful, and heart breaking, yet exciting and scary...most of all it is the right decision and I feel that way with my whole heart but it still hurts. Chris has been my rock through this, my voice of reason at times, but he also spoke as for my emotions and heart...my daughters, not knowing the struggles we faced also help by expessing time and time again what they wanted. Also, in such a time of need, you all stepped up, you gave your opinions, shared your personal stories and advice...every word was heard, every sacrid story was held dear to my heart and every prayer was answered. Thank you!
Here is the email I sent to the agency, regarding my final decision:
I am assuming you haven't heard from ORM yet, and at this point I'm going to say it's all right. (although I'm still interest as to what they have to say)
After talking to the doctor myself, and researching Placenta Accreta I think I'm going to have to do what's best for my health, my family, and ultimately the couple and decline.
Although, I haven't had contact with The couple I feel as though I am letting them down, at the same time I feel that I am saving them emotional stress and money. The doctor said complications were a given, plus if I were to have additional surgery due to complications after birth, that would be an expense they could avoid if they had a healthier surrogate. I know the last couple felt guilt and emotionally stressed watching me go through all the unexpected problems and I know they wouldn't wish that on These men and neither do I.
I am so sorry for dragging this decision out, I honestly felt great about doing another surrogacy and I hope to do one in the future. But I think if there is a doubt in my mind, or if I am scared or worried in anyway I better reevaluate, which is exactly what I have done, with the support and help of Chris and so many friends and family.
Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity, and please express my apologizes to the men. I really am heart broken and wish them only the best of luck in their endeavors.
Thank you all for helping me make the choice I new was right yet wasn't able to admit. I feel very sad that I am not the person able to give these men the blessing of a child. The experience is one that is unlike anything in this world and I had looked forward to going through it once more. Unfortunately that wasn't in the cards this time around. Although I am extremely heart broken and feel absolutely guiltly for letting this go on as long as it did I am excited to start an adventure of our own, Ruby and hazel come up with silly names daily for their "baby brother" and although I feel that after 3 pregnancies, and 4 girls there is no chance of a "baby brother" in their future, Chris and I look forward to trying:)
So, give us until March, but be expecting the Cummings Family to expend!
Also, if you are interested in becoming a surrogate, I can not say enough great things about the process and experience. Surrogate Mothers Inc is such a pleasure to work with, the clinic is informative and very willing to give you one on one attention to focus on your individual case, the traveling is a lot of fun, and the experience is humbling, life changing and so rewarding. Please contact me with any questions you many have regarding surrogacy or becoming a surrogate and I will steer you in the right direction!