Sunday, January 16, 2011

Rollercoaster ride

Hey Everyone,
I just wanted to fill all of you in on what's been happening during the past few days. This pregnancy has taken a very painful turn but with some steering we hope to direct it back on to the right path.

Friday was a great day! I had a doctors appointment and I was so excited...I have been experiencing the most horrible non stop morning sickness, and I had waited for this appointment in hopes the doctor could give me some relief. The appointment went well. The Doctor heard a heartbeat (with twins the doctor can't distinguish two separate heart beats so one heartbeat is as good as two) I was measuring great and the only concern was my calorie intake. With twins I should get about 2000 calories a day and between being sick and my loss of appetite I haven't came close to that. Before taking extreme measures we were going to try an "anti diet" where basically I eat everything and anything. Pizza with extra cheese, big macs, ice cream for every meal...the idea is to eat a lot because even though I will throw it back up some calories will be digested. Even bad calories are calories at this point I guess. Of course I would only do this for 3 weeks to see if I am able to put on a little weight without a more dramatic approach (like a PICC). I left that appointment feeling better and hopeful that this awful morning sickness would fade. Plus the doctor was going to monitor my case more closely, seeing me every 3 weeks instead of 4 and doing ultrasound every other appointment...what a relief!

Later I went to dinner with a friend and after eating I felt great, not sick, not tired just great! I really thought the days of throwing up 15 times a day, the days of begging the kids to nap because I couldn't bare to go on without a nap was over...I am 13 weeks after all, good bye and no thanks 1st trimester!

I came home a laid down on the couch, and around 11p.m. I felt this cramp...or a contraction I wasn't sure. It was crippling though, and I was pretty scared. Normally a Braxton hicks contraction only last a few seconds but it had been minutes, felt like hours so what was going on? Chris picked me up to my feet, we had hoped standing and walking may help the pain let up, and it worked! I walked to the bathroom and walked problem. I sat down on the couch and immediately felt a warm gush.
I knew right away what the gush was...blood. Chris stood me up and another gush. At this point my legs feet, chris's arms our couch, everything was covered in blood. I ran to the bathroom where for 10 minutes blood was pouring out of me. This was terrifying...for me, for my kids who were in the room and my husband who was calling the doctor. I think at this point I was in shock. I was shaking, my legs and arms felt numb and all I could think about were the babies....the babies who aren't mine, the babies I am carrying for someone else, someone who deserves these babies.

The doctor called us back with in a few minutes, and A's we already suspected the outlook wasn't good, miscarriage! I was advised to go to the ER so they could further investigate what had happened...but already I felt beat and discouraged. The ride there was painful, I felt like I was giving birth, plus I was still bleeding, and puking at this point. I couldn't even get out of the car when we arrived, my legs felt like jello. We skipped the routine check in and went straight back for evaluation. I passed a huge clot which I could only imagine was a fetus. I was given an IV for fluids and pain medication, while waiting for the ultrasound tech. The ER doctor came in and told us what we already knew...this looked like a miscarriage. I was trying to wrap my head around what had happened in such a short amount of time, and I was trying to figure out just how to put this into words for the couple who's baby was just lost. I was in and out of sleep and shock but never was my concern anything but these men, these soon to be dads.

Finally the ultra sound tech arrived. As she did the ultrasound I saw a look of relief on Chris's face "is that two babies I see?" HOPE, I had hope, I didn't pass a baby. I didn't miscarry! I looked at the screen and there they were 2 wiggly dancing babies, I couldn't believe it! I felt relief and hope and happiness...we just watched them move and wiggle in disbelief for 10 minutes or more. What a weight lifted...but what was wrong, what was bleeding and why?

The admitted me to the maternity ward over night so I could speak with my doctor in the morning. With pain medication I was able to get a few hours sleep, but worrying kept me awake most of the time. When the doctor came in at 9:00a.m. He explained to Chris and I what happened. The pain I felt when i was "cramping" was the placenta for baby A detaching. It had ripped away from my uterine wall and cause a large hematoma (blood colt) to form between the placenta and the uterus. Meaning baby A's air supply wasn't attached, leaving baby A in jeopardy. This wasn't the good news I had hoped for.

Our doctor said he only sees this maybe once a year and typically they baby is fine. As the hematoma heals the placenta reattaches itself to the uterine wall and all is well. With IVF the chances are lower because the placenta is weaker and was build using drugs. He hopes that since I am only 13 weeks and since the hematoma is only 5 cm (which is the same size as the baby) that as the hematoma heals and the placenta grows stronger only the best case scenario will occur.

As of now there is no way of knowing what direction this will head. I'm considered high risk and have been assured that nothing I do or don't do will effect the outcome. The doctors will monitor the situation with an ultrasound on Wednesday, but won't know anything else for about a month (when the hematoma has healed) so now with baby A in Jepordey we wait and hope and pray he/she will hang on and fight for life.

This has been an emotional roller coaster and physically painful but I am remaining optimistic. The couple has been informed and would appreciate prayers for their precious baby A. They have been so amazing and so concerned about my well being, and the well being of my family. They are very anxious to see what will happen and very nervous, they have told me many times how much they love me and how they want nothing but for me to get's amazing how close our families are (even while they are in France) and how much we have grown to love and care for one another. This terrible situation has brought us that much closer and I hope like other bridges we have crossed hand in hand this will only be a distant memory with another happy ending!

One more thing, I want to thank my husband. This was hard on him. To see me covered in blood and not know what was happening...he was worried and scared but remained strong and took excellent care of me. He is and always has been my rock. Having him through this has been a pure blessing. I love you Chris!

And thank you to my friends, you say "I am here whenever you need me" and hold true to that. Thank you for your love and support you all have been wonderful and without our weekend bonfires and dinner and a movie dates I would have no reason to want to feel better! Thank you.

I will let you all know what I find out in the coming days, in the mean time keep your thoughts with baby A and pray baby B remains healthy! Thank you!

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